We all dream of having a relationship full of love, laughter, and warmth. Every relationship starts with the dream of having couple goals. It is natural for excitement to wear off when people live together, and they start taking each other for granted. Every person is a combination of good and bad; no one is perfect. When we stop appreciating the good and only focus on the bad, the “roommate syndrome” creeps in. It’s crucial to recognise the signs before the distance becomes too wide to bridge.
Written By: Dr. Sarita Dhawan
Are you taking this path from couple goals to room mate syndrome ? Know before it’s too late.
| From ‘The Couple Goals’ | To ‘The Roommate Syndrome’ |
| From The Anxious Wait-He is late today: She made four calls, a racing heart, on arrival anger ,tears and a tight hug, his sincere apology. | To the Routine Begins -He is late routinely: no calls, no explanation. She’s no longer waiting by the door, no worries, no anger, no fight and no tears . He walks in, no apology, no connection.” Just a shallow smile. |
| FROM The Shared Dreams: Both plan every weekend, a new adventure, shared laughter, discuss kids routines and challenges , a united front against the world. | To Separate Schedules: He has his golf and friends, she has her kitty and children struggles.Meals are staggered, seperate group chats replace conversations, the future is now a series of individual calendars. |
| FROM Thoughtful warm Gestures: A surprise note on the mirror, a favorite coffee brought home, a hand squeezed in silent support and right, small acts of love that filled the day. | TO Dutiful obligations: Want a cup of tea?’ just a wish on special days, no enthusiasm of celebrations, functional interactions without any warmth. |
| FROM Deep meaningful conversations: Bedtime talks about fears and happy moments of the day, shared vulnerabilities. | TO Surface Talks: Logistics of daily life, a polite exchange of trivialities, a prefered silence with emotionless smile. |
| FROM Passionate Embrace: A forehead kiss, a tender touch, a physical connection that mirrored emotional intimacy. | TO Mechanical Contact: A brief hug, a shared bed that feels vast and empty, a physical disconnect that reflects emotional distance |
| FROM Shared Laughter: Spontaneous bursts of joy, a shared sense of humour that filled home, a lightness that can make life brighter. | TO Silent Meals: In front of separate screens, no appreciation or even recognition of food or efforts done, an absence of shared joy that leaves total disconnect. |
| FROM Mutual Support: A shoulder to lean on, a listening ear , a partnership that secure each other, a united strength during tough times that made them a team. | TO Independent Struggles: He/She offers little to no emotional support, either too tired or too indifferent to listen anymore. His/Her absence in emotional needs creates a barrier, and they feel like they are dealing with their struggles alone. |
| FROM Emotional Intimacy She shows affection through touch, a hug or a kiss as a reminder of love. Small, tender moments that remind him that they are emotionally close . | TO indifferent gesture She no longer initiates physical contact, and the gestures of affection are few . There are no more spontaneous touches. |
Power Moves:
Start spending quality time together. It will be difficult at first, especially once you’re used to living like roommates and it feels easier to stay apart. Avoiding arguments and discussions might seem comfortable, but it’s not good for your relationship. Just begin spending time together, even if you don’t have much to talk about.
Take your cup of tea and sit with your partner. Bring your magazine or newspaper and just sit wherever your partner is. You don’t have to do anything special, just sit together.
Sitting together increases bonding and emotional intimacy. Engage in small but meaningful conversations. For example, you might say, “I watched this series on Netflix, it was good. Have you seen it?” Or talk about your schedules or something that happened at work. This shows your partner that you care about their life and well being.
Active listening is very helpful. When your partner talks, even if you feel like giving advice, don’t interrupt. Listen carefully and validate their emotions. If your partner is angry about something, don’t tell them it’s wrong to feel that way. Instead, acknowledge their feelings: “Anyone would feel upset in that situation.” This is called active listening. Your gestures and agreement through body language help a lot.
Small gifts matter. Don’t wait for a special occasion, buy something simple, like fruit of their choice or a homemade treat, just to show you care. It’s about letting your partner know you’re thinking of them, even during everyday moments like shopping. These thoughtful gestures help keep your connection strong.
Appreciation is something every person admires; it is human nature. To reignite warmth in your relationship, emotionally connect by admiring your partner.
Direct admiration feels awkward at first, you can begin by giving indirect compliments. For example, compliment your partner in front of family members, children, or friends by mentioning something you like about them. This way, your partner will feel appreciated, and your bond will grow stronger.
Be intentional about rebuilding physical intimacy. Begin with friendly cuddles and hugs, especially during happy moments. Even small, friendly touches can bring more love and affection into your relationship.
“In love, it’s better to risk vulnerability than to live in quiet distance.”
Read Our Blogs: Cold to Close: End Emotional Distance in Your Marriage
Also Read: Why We Go Cold On Our Partners