Rejection and social isolation hurt so damn much. When you are excluded from a group, ignored in conversations, or realise your friends made plans without you, it doesn’t just sting, it can feel like a punch to the gut. There is actual science behind this. We are dealing with what researchers are calling an epidemic of loneliness among young adults. Studies show that large number of college students experience loneliness, with first year students being hit the most.
Maybe you are reading this at 2 AM in your dorm room, scrolling through Instagram stories of people having the time of their lives while you spent another Friday night alone with Netflix and instant ramen. Maybe you are the person who eats lunch quickly and leaves before anyone notices you are sitting alone. Maybe you have tried joining groups only to stand awkwardly in the corner while everyone else seems to effortlessly click into conversations like they are speaking a secret language you never learned. Or maybe you are stuck in a friend group that feels more like a performance than a place where you belong, where you are constantly walking on eggshells and wondering if you are just the backup friend they tolerate rather than actually want around.
If any of this hits you ever, this blog is for you. Because I have been exactly where you are, staring at the ceiling wondering if I’ll ever find ‘my people,’ and I am here to tell you that not only is it possible, but the very fact that you care so deeply about authentic friendship is exactly what’s going to help you find it.
Before we dive into solutions, let us identify the specific issue , we want to deal with.. Here are the main friendship challenges that Gen Z face. Find yourself in this list, you might recognise multiple scenarios.
1)“I Have Friends, But No Real Friendships”
You go out. You laugh. You share memes. You’ve got names in your contacts and streaks on Snapchat. But late at night, when the noise fades and the screen goes dark, there’s this quiet voice that says:
“I’m surrounded, but I feel alone.”
If you’re nodding along, you’re not broken. You’re not the only one. You’re just living in a time where surface-level is easy — but real connection takes guts, patience, and some serious self-awareness.
This is your guide to navigating that space smartly.
👀 The Modern Friendship Dilemma: “Close, But Not Deep”
Let’s call it what it is: many of us are in “situationships” with our friends.
You hang out, vibe, party, vent — but when it comes to showing up in your messiest moments, it’s quiet. Why?
- Everyone’s busy performing — online and offline
- Vulnerability feels risky
- Many friendships are built around convenience, not compatibility
You might be asking: “Is it me? Am I too much? Not enough?”
Pause. You’re not too much. You’re just ready for more.
🌊 Surface vs. Soul Friendships
Let’s break it down:
| Surface-Level Friendships | Soul-Level Friendships |
|---|---|
| Share memes | Share silence |
| Hang out at events | Check in when you’re low |
| Know your Instagram bio | Know your family dynamics |
| Talk about others | Talk about values, fears, dreams |
You don’t need more friends — you need real ones.
🧠 Step-by-Step: How to Go Deeper (Without Feeling Cringe)
1. Audit Your Current Circle
Ask yourself:
- Who do I feel safest around?
- Who actually listens — not just hears me?
- Who drains me, even when we’re just chilling?
Awareness is key. You don’t have to ghost anyone, but stop pouring energy where there’s no mutual depth.
2. Shift the Conversation (Gently)
Next time you’re with a friend you want to go deeper with, try this:
- “Real talk — what’s something you’ve been overthinking lately?”
- “What’s your biggest ‘what if’ right now?”
- “When’s the last time you felt truly seen?”
It might feel weird. But real depth lives on the other side of that discomfort.
3. Be What You’re Looking For
You want a friend who:
- Gets it?
- Checks in?
- Goes beyond “wyd?”
Be that. Go first. Vulnerability builds bridges.
4. Let Some Friendships Fade (It’s Okay)
Not all friendships are meant to be lifelong. Some are just chapters. Letting go doesn’t make you fake — it makes you free.
💬 What Real Friendship Feels Like
It’s not always exciting. It’s not always constant. But it feels like:
- Safety, not judgment
- Effort, not convenience
- Growth, not gossip
- Peace, not pressure
It feels like someone choosing you — even when you’re not performing.
🧩 Bonus: Where to Find Deep-Connection People
- Book clubs, art classes, or creative spaces
- Mental health or support groups (online or IRL)
- Volunteering or purpose-driven communities
- Even deep Twitter/X threads or Discords
Go where depth is the norm — not the exception.
You’re Not Hard to Love
You might just be surrounded by people who haven’t learned how to love deeply.
Friendship isn’t about who’s around you — it’s about who’s real with you.
And trust: when you find your people, you’ll never feel like “too much” again.
“Why Do I Keep Ending Up with Friends Who Drain Me?”
You tell yourself you’re done with toxic friendships.
You promise you’ll raise your standards.
And then — boom — you’re back in the same cycle. Ghosted. Used. Ignored. Drained.And you’re left asking:
“Why does this keep happening?”
If this hits too close to home, don’t spiral. You’re not cursed. You’re not broken. You’re just caught in a pattern that no one taught you how to spot — or break.
This is that guide.
🚩 Spot the Pattern:
First, hard truth:
We don’t attract what we want , we attract what we accept.
Let’s break it down:
You’re not choosing “bad” friends on purpose. But if drama, inconsistency, or one-sided effort is what feels normal to you, you’ll keep walking into that energy without realizing it.
It’s not your fault. It is your responsibility.
🧠 Why We Stay with Draining People (Even When We Know Better)
- You don’t want to seem “mean” or “dramatic”
- You’re scared of being alone
- You’re used to working for love instead of receiving it freely
- They “get” you — but also gaslight you
Sound familiar?
The scariest part isn’t losing them. It’s realizing you don’t know who you are without that chaos.
🧃 The Energy Audit: Ask Yourself This
Let’s get real. Grab a pen or your Notes app and answer honestly:
- After I hang out with them, do I feel more alive or more anxious?
- Who checks in on me without needing something?
- Who respects my boundaries without guilt-tripping me?
- Who do I have to shrink around just to keep the peace?
If someone’s name keeps popping up in the wrong columns — that’s your sign.
💡 How to Break the Cycle (Without Burning Everything Down)
1. Recognise the “Fixer” Role
If you are always the therapist, the planner, the rescuer , that’s not friendship. That’s unpaid emotional labor.
Your job is not to heal people who refuse to grow.
2. Stop Explaining Basic Boundaries
If someone needs a 20-slide presentation to respect your “no,” they’re not confused , they’re just not listening.
Set the boundary once. If they keep pushing? That’s their answer, not your failure.
3. Redefine What You Deserve
You deserve friends who:
- Match your energy
- Respect your rest
- Don’t make you earn love
This isn’t “too much.” It’s the bare minimum.
4. Let the Silence Scare You (Briefly)
Yes, it might get lonely when you cut off draining people. But that space is sacred. It’s the gap between the life you tolerate and the life you actually want.
Don’t fill it too fast. Sit with it. Let it shape your standards.
✨ The Green Flags You’ve Been Missing
Real ones feel like:
- Peace in your body after you leave
- People who apologize and adjust
- Conversations where you’re both seen and heard
- Friends who remember your boundaries and your birthday
They exist. You just haven’t met them because your time’s been taken up by people who never deserved that front-row seat in your life.
You’re Just Outgrowing Chaos
If your friendships have been built on people-pleasing, overgiving, and shrinking — of course real connection feels foreign.
But trust this:
“When you start showing up as your full self, you’ll lose the ones who liked the watered-down version.
And that’s exactly the point.2) “I’m Always in the Group, But Never Truly Included”
You’re added to the group chat.
You’re tagged in stories.
You’re invited — technically.But deep down, you know the truth:
You’re around people, but you’re not with them.
You’re the one filling the silence, not part of the inside jokes. You’re present in the photos — but forgotten in the plans.
And the worst part? You start wondering if it’s your fault.
Let’s stop right there.
This isn’t just about friendship. This is about belonging — and the quiet ache of not having it.
🤐 The Silent Experience of Being “Included, But Invisible”
Being “in” the group but not really part of it is a specific kind of lonely:
- You’re not left out — but you’re not thought of first (or at all)
- You’re there — but your voice doesn’t shift the energy
- You’re tolerated — not celebrated
You keep giving more, laughing louder, showing up harder…
But still feel like a guest in a space you were promised was yours.
🧠 Let’s Break Down Why This Happens
It’s not because you’re boring. Or annoying. Or “too much.”
Here’s what might actually be going on:
- You’re in proximity, not alignment
Just because you’re around them doesn’t mean you connect with them.- You joined a pre-built dynamic
Groups with long histories can unconsciously “freeze” your role.- You’re emotionally intelligent in emotionally unavailable circles
You notice the micro-shifts. They don’t even notice you’re off.- They like the version of you that doesn’t take up space
The moment you ask for more — connection, support, honesty — things get weird.
🔎 Questions to Ask Yourself (Instead of Just Shrinking)
- When I speak, do people listen — or just wait for their turn to talk?
- Do I feel safe showing up as my real self in this group?
- If I stopped showing up… would anyone really notice?
- Do I feel chosen — or just included by default?
If these answers sting, that’s clarity. And clarity is power.
🚪You Don’t Have to Force Yourself to Fit — Here’s What You Can Do Instead
1. Stop Overperforming Just to Be “Liked”
If you have to perform your personality for people to keep you around, it’s not inclusion — it’s emotional labor.
You weren’t made to be entertaining. You were made to be real.
2. Find Your Side-Quest Friendships
Not every deep connection comes from the main friend group. Sometimes the real ones are:
- The classmate you always have honest convos with
- The coworker who actually checks in
- The internet friend who feels more “home” than your local circle
Start nurturing those.
3. Say the Quiet Thing Out Loud (If You Feel Safe)
If you trust at least one person in the group, try this:
“Hey, can I be real for a second? Lately I’ve been feeling kind of on the outside. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but I wanted to name it.”
You’ll learn a lot from how they respond:
- Dismissive? There’s your answer.
- Defensive? Also an answer.
- Curious and compassionate? That’s a green flag.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Outgrow the Group
Outgrowing isn’t betrayal. It’s clarity.
Not all groups are built to hold the version of you that’s evolving.Letting go makes space for people who see you — not just your presence.
🌱 What Real Inclusion Feels Like
In the right spaces, you’ll feel:
- Invited and wanted
- Heard and remembered
- Safe and celebrated
You won’t have to second-guess your place.
You’ll know you belong — because you’ll feel it in your nervous system, not just see it in a group photo.
You’re Not “Too Sensitive.” You are Just Finally Paying Attention.
If you’re feeling the ache of being surrounded but unseen, take heart:
Belonging isn’t about being allowed in , it’s about being welcomed in your fullness.
You are not asking for too much. You are just done being okay with too little.
3) “I Was Hurt by Friends, and Now I Don’t Know How to Trust Again” — Rebuilding After Friendship Burnout
Let’s talk about a different kind of heartbreak — the one that doesn’t get enough credit.
Not the ex.
Not the situationship.
The friend who betrayed you. Ghosted you. Used you. Replaced you like it was nothing.
You didn’t just lose a person — you lost safety.
Now every “new friend” feels like a risk.
You overthink every text. You expect the worst. You don’t let people in — not really.
“I want real friendship… but I don’t know how to trust again.”
Sound familiar?
Yeah. Let’s talk about it.
💔 Friendship Hurt Cuts Deep (and Here’s Why)
People don’t realize how painful friendship betrayal is. But let’s be real:
- They knew your secrets
- They saw your messiest days
- They were there when you couldn’t show up for yourself
And then — they switched up.
No warning. No apology. Just silence or shade.
It doesn’t just make you sad. It makes you hard. Guarded. Suspicious. And quietly exhausted.
🧠 What Happens After We Get Burned
Here’s how past friendship trauma shows up:
- You keep things surface-level, even when people try to get close
- You expect people to leave, so you detach first
- You scan every text for signs of shade
- You feel tired even around “good” people
You’re not overreacting. You’re protecting yourself.
But here’s the twist:
That armor that kept you safe?
It’s also keeping you lonely.
🛠️ How to Start Trusting Again — Without Getting Burned (Again)
1. Grieve What Actually Happened
Stop trying to downplay it. They hurt you. And it sucked.
Write the unsent message. Rant in your Notes app. Name it. Feel it. That pain doesn’t disappear just because you “moved on.”
Healing starts with honesty.
2. Redefine What Friendship Should Feel Like
You were burned because your standards were low or your boundaries were blurred. That’s not shame — that’s just real.
Now, ask yourself:
- What does safety look like to me?
- What behaviors earn trust (not just words)?
- What are my new friendship non-negotiables?
3. Practice “Safe Connection” in Small Doses
You don’t have to trauma-dump on the first person who’s nice to you. Try this instead:
- Share a small personal truth. See how they hold it.
- Set a tiny boundary. See how they respond.
- Ask for a low-stakes favor. Notice their energy.
Trust is built — not blindly given.
4. Understand: New People ≠ Old Hurt
Not everyone is like them.
And if you don’t give new people a chance to show up differently, you’ll keep reliving the past — with new faces.
You don’t have to open the whole door. Just crack the window.
💚 Green Flags That Help Rebuild Trust
Watch for people who:
- Apologize and change
- Show up without being asked
- Celebrate your wins without competition
- Can hold your heavy days without making it about them
- Are consistent — even when life gets busy
These people exist. You just haven’t seen them clearly through the fog of past hurt. Yet.
🌱 Final Word: You’re Allowed to Be Cautious and Hopeful
You’re healing. That’s not weakness — that’s wisdom.
You don’t have to trust fast.
You just have to trust smarter.
Don’t let people who broke you define what love or friendship looks like. Let them be the reason you raise your standards — not lower your walls forever.
Real ones will understand your softness. They’ll wait at your pace. They’ll prove you wrong in the best way.
If You Need Support
Don’t hesitate to talk to a counselor, teacher, or family member if you’re feeling overwhelmed. There are always people ready to listen and help.
Emotional health starts with self-acceptance and the courage to seek connections that make you feel safe and valued. Your journey to finding true friendship is important—and you deserve every bit of happiness along the way.